


On Elysian Fields

by StackerPentecost



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gladiators, Alternate Universe - Historical, Ancient Rome, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marriage, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-Graphic Violence, Sexual Slavery (non-graphic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 16:03:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18944284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StackerPentecost/pseuds/StackerPentecost
Summary: Frank and Billy meet on the streets of Rome as two more children without a family and without a home, quickly becoming best friends. When by chance they are taken in to be trained as gladiators, they only grow closer. Soon, the boys decide they wish to be promised to no one but each other, no matter how improbable. But when they come of age and Billy is sold into slavery and pulled away from Frank, will they ever see each other again? Or will Billy be forced to live out his life being used as an object for others while Frank is destined to die along with the countless other gladiators that came before him?-An ancient Roman gladiator AU with a marriage promise, forbidden love, and plenty of feels.





	On Elysian Fields

**Author's Note:**

  * For [logandelos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/logandelos/gifts).



> So I've read a bit about ancient Rome, both in the past and for this story, and I have seen precisely one season of Spartacus. I am by no means an expert on this subject but I tried to make it as believable as I could while also fitting into what I was seeing when I thought of this idea. This is probably a little more mushy than it had to be too, but I am a mushy person. I hope the boys are at least somewhat in character. All errors are mine.

Ludus Imperial was the only home Frank had ever known. Before that he had been an orphan, wandering the streets of the capital of the Roman empire, barely enough food to eat and with only his wits and strength to rely on. He’d met Billy in the market one day, when they’d gotten into a scuffle with some of the other homeless children. They’d ended up holding their own against the others and were rewarded with a scrap of bread for their troubles. Frank wasn’t sure why, perhaps it had been the will of the gods, but he’d found it in himself to share his prize with Billy and they had been a team ever since.

A lord from the ludus Imperial found them several months later. Apparently he had seen something in them, believing they could grow to become skilled fighters in the ludus. So, they had been scooped up and brought back to the nicest villa that either of them had ever seen in their young lives. They were taken care of, fed and clothed and given the rare privilege of an education alongside their training as gladiators. Though, at the tender age of ten, there was only so much fighting they could do.

They were each other’s best friend and greatest confidant. One did nothing without the other in tow. They shared a bedroom, a classroom and every meal. They sparred and fought with wooden swords and shields against each other. They complimented each other in most every way.

One day, Billy sat in one of the few shady spots that they were allowed to occupy to watch the gladiators train. It was under the roof of an old wooden stable that no one bothered with anymore, filled with extra rations of straw that had since gone moldy. Still, it served as a bit of relief from the heat and since they weren’t actually allowed in with the other gladiators yet, it kept them at a distance that their ludi magister deemed acceptable.

“What are you doing?” Frank asked as he sat down next to Billy in the dirt.

  
“Making something.” The other boy replied, his fingers fumbling slightly as he attempted to maneuver the leather string in his hands.

  
“Is that a marriage knot? Like the one girls wear when they get married?” Frank asked, peering over him.

  
Billy shied away. “Maybe.”

  
“Who is it for?”

  
Billy bit his lip. “Me.”

  
Frank blinked, clearly confused. “You’re not a girl and you’re not getting married.”

  
Billy stared down at the unfinished knot and sighed. “I know. But I thought maybe if I wore it, then maybe it would be like a promise. That I would marry the one I want to marry when the gods say the time is right.”

  
Frank tilted his head. “Who do you want to marry?”

  
Billy fidgeted before muttering softly, “You.”

  
Frank stopped, eyeing Billy to see if it was just a joke. It didn’t seem to be. Frank thought for a moment before scooting closer.  “Do you have another one?”

  
Billy looked up curiously but nodded nonetheless.

  
“Then I want one too. So it’ll be like a promise just between us and the gods.”

  
“You’re not afraid of what people will think?”

  
Frank gave a snort as Billy handed him another piece of leather. “Nah, I’ll just punch them.” 

The corner of Billy’s mouth turned up. “I thought that when that time comes, we can take them off each other, like the man is supposed to do. Okay?”

Frank nodded and smiled, “I like that.”  


So from then on, they each wore the leather marriage knot around their wrists, unwilling to remove it no matter what they were doing. As they grew, their affection was innocent enough, but as they truly began to mature, soon beginning to fight much more as the real gladiators did, the line between them became very much blurred. They were given two different quarters, no longer sharing the same room, but it mattered little, not when they preferred to spend the night in the same bed. They knew the rules, knew that whichever of them were to submit to the other would be subject to disdain and ridicule. But in the end, they could not deny themselves something that they both wanted. After that, there was no going back, even though it meant that their affection in public needed to be contained, only safe when behind closed doors. Still, they remained thoroughly entangled, even as they reached the age where they were allowed to train as true gladiators.

They proved their lord’s inclination correct, showing skills honed from years of fending for themselves. But despite his fighting prowess, Billy caught the eyes of others for a far different reason.

“I heard the master talking.” Billy murmured quickly, staring down at the bowl of lumpy soup they’d been given as a meal. He sat across from Frank, the two of them situated in a corner away from the rest of the eating gladiators.

“He talks an awful lot, I’m sure it’s nothing.” Frank shot him a meaningful look before spooning some of the food into his mouth. He had a talent for eating anything put in front of him.

“Not this time. He’s been talking with another lord from another ludus, one who is in need of..concubines. Especially ones of the male variety.” Billy hoped he didn’t have to elaborate as to what that meant for them, or more specifically, him.

“You’re going to be fine. If you haven’t noticed, our master has a great deal of concubines to sell and trade, including male ones. Just because he said that doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you.” Frank refused to believe that their master would actually sell Billy. He was a competent and refined fighter, that much was obvious every time they trained. Just because his physique was a bit different from the others and his face was more attractive than most didn’t mean anything. Their master was a decent man most of the time, he had to see Billy’s promise as a gladiator. Could he really relegate someone he had trained from a boy for combat to a life of being used for the sexual gratification of whoever paid the highest price? It was enough that their relationship threatened Billy’s manhood every time they were together, it was even worse to think that he would have that manhood permanently stripped so he could become an object instead of a person of worth.

“I do not care who my master is, whose ludus I live in, or about any of that. But I cannot be taken from you.” The last words were barely above a whisper, wavering as they were spoken. Billy lifted his gaze briefly to meet Frank’s eyes before he trained them back down. Frank could practically feel Billy’s unease rolling off of him, but there was little he could do when they were in full view of everyone else.

That night, Frank made sure to find time for them to be alone. He was determined to get Billy’s mind off the business with their master, so he did the only thing he knew for sure would bring Billy to ease. He laid out the other man in that old stable they used to take shade under, taking him again and again, until the only thing Billy could think about was Frank and Frank alone. When they parted for the last time in order to return to their seperate quarters, Frank had no idea that this would be the final time for many years to come that he would be able touch the man he loved.

When Frank woke the next morning, Billy wasn’t in his bed, nor did he appear for the morning meal. The longer he could not find the other man, the more distressed he became. He did his best not to show it, instead going about what was their usual routine.

As the training ground filled for the morning, the gates to the ludus opened, revealing a procession from a neighboring lord. Frank thought nothing of it at first, still worried about Billy. It wasn’t until the slave cart appeared that things began to make sense. He didn’t truly believe it though, until he saw the other man for himself.  


It was like a knife in his gut, sharp and twisting, spilling his core onto the dirty ground for everyone to see. He felt an untold pain at the same time he felt utterly numb in a way he had never experienced. He watched as his master led Billy up to the cart, wrists bound in front of him. The other man’s face was impassive, completely expressionless in that way of his, always able to remove himself from even the worst of situations. Still, he turned his head toward the training area and Frank knew he was looking for him. When they found each other, Frank clamped his mouth shut, forcing his lips into a grim line, afraid he would give something away in his grief. As it was, he wanted nothing more than to go to Billy, to blurt out every unsaid truth that had ever been between them. He had to know. They’d never said it, almost as though they’d been afraid that saying it aloud would somehow dilute it, but Frank knew he’d never be able to go on if he didn’t believe somewhere deep down that the other man knew. He hoped that he wasn’t mistaking the look in Billy’s brown eyes for something else.

All too soon, Billy was prodded forward and up into the cart. He went without protest, knowing it would’ve been of no use to prolong either of their suffering. Even though his expression was composed, his whole body ached with the realization that there was a good chance he would never see Frank again. That alone was enough to make his hands clench into fists, blunt nails digging into his palms. The sting did little to soothe the pain that threatened to overwhelm him. He looked down at the knot still secured around his wrist.

 _Why?_ He lifted his head up toward the sky. _Do you hate us so much that you would have us separated for the rest of our days? Are we such cursed creatures that you cannot allow us even the chance to spend our lives fighting beside each other? I would have gladly bowed at Dis Pater’s feet if I had been allowed a death as his companion in the arena._ He gritted his teeth. _My mother and my family may have abandoned me, but Frank’s heart will never, as long as it beats and he still draws breath._ He swallowed against the increasing lump in his throat. _I will never worship another as long as I walk this earth. If he is the reason I am damned, then so be it._

Billy implored Frank with his eyes, implored him to understand everything he’d always meant to say, had always thought there would be time for, only to be proven wrong. It seemed, at least, that they both were thinking the same things. In a few quick moments, they had spoken promises and goodbyes as though they were right beside each other.

Still, when the cart pulled away and Frank lost sight of his other half, he couldn’t help feeling like Billy had just taken his whole world with him.

* * *

 

Frank did the only thing he could with his grief to keep it from consuming him, he trained. His first bout in the arena proved a sign of things to come. It wasn’t long before he was advancing through the classes, defeating warriors of increasing strength and experience. Many called him a machine of war, one that simply refused to stop until no enemy was left in his path. At first, he usually spared his opponents, unless the crowd demanded otherwise. But as the days wore on and he still found himself waking up in the morning, cold and completely alone, eyes searching for someone who wasn’t there, he became as withdrawn as he felt. He slaughtered without mercy, taking off heads without a single thought. He would often end a battle sprayed in the gore of the other participant.

The masses ate it up. Soon he was one of the top billed fighters for his ludus and every won match brought even more fame and wealth to his lord. It also brought Frank his own measure of fame. He caught the eye of nearly everyone who watched him. If the men didn’t want him, they wanted to be him and were willing to risk their lives in the arena to prove it. The woman kept trinkets sold at his matches, wore hair pins dipped in what was said to be his blood and used cosmetics said to be perfumed with his sweat. Even the kids played with clay action figures likened to him.

Despite all of it, Frank found little joy beyond the carnage. In the end, even the killing itself was a mere distraction. Because even as time wore on, and his prospects of seeing Billy again continued to grow smaller and smaller with every passing day, Frank could not let go of the feelings buried deep in his heart. He still wore the leather knot around his wrist, made sure to handle it with utmost care. When he fought, he made sure to put a cuff over it, so it would not be harmed as he grappled. In his mind, he had made a promise, a vow and he would not break it. He was claimed, he belonged to one person and one person only. That was why he refused to lay with even the most willing of people, unable to think of nothing but Billy and what sort of things he was now being subjected to.

His only real companion came from an unlikely source. Her name was Karen and she was his master’s daughter. Her father had a soft spot for her, that was most obvious with as close as she was allowed to the gladiators. She was a thin, blonde wisp of a woman, but had a smile that reached her eyes and a laugh that reminded Frank of the few memories he had of his mother. At first Frank had thought she was just another person desperate to bed him, but when instead they spent their encounter talking through the night, Frank realized she was very much different from the others. She was the only one who knew the true nature of his relationship with Billy and the reason he wore the knot on his wrist. She seemed to understand more so than anyone else. He had a feeling there was someone who held her heart, but if that was true, she never mentioned them.

There were quite a few times where he considered giving up, simply allowing his opponent to cut him down, to end the heaviness in his heart. But then he would wake in the morning to find a note from Karen. She took regular trips to the lord who owned Billy and made sure to report to Frank whatever she could find out. Every time he began to fear his love was surely making his home on the Elysian Fields, she would leave to find out for the both of them. She never was able to truly speak to Billy, but she made sure he was in good health and she was positive that he was still wearing his knot. That had to mean he hadn’t given up, even as the many months turned into years. As long as he hadn’t given up, as long as he was still alive, then Frank continued on, making devotions to the gods in the hope that they would see each other again, even for a brief moment.

“Would you like me to slip him something from you?” Karen asked one day. They were sitting in her sleeping quarters and Frank could only assume that when he was in here, people considered them to be fornicating. He wrinkled his nose at the thought.

“You could do that? What could I even give him?”

Karen shrugged her petite shoulders, standing in front of a mirror to brush out her long hair. “A note or something small. But I would make it something he’ll know is from you, I might not have the time or opportunity to explain much. He always seems to be...occupied.”

Frank reflexively clenched his fists. “You don’t have to explain it to me, I know what they turned him into.”

She sat down on the bed, just as he got up and began to pace. “Don’t look at it like that. You do know that just because society says he’s no longer a man, no longer worth caring about beyond the use of a fuck toy, that doesn’t mean he isn’t still the person you love. So, write him a note or perhaps I could procure something for you to give him.”

Frank shook his head. “No, you don’t have to do that. I’ll write something, if I can even remember how. It feels like a lifetime since I sat in a classroom before the ludi magister taking down letters with him.” He looked down at the knot at his wrist, fingertips brushing over it. “I think I loved him even then, even before I was old enough to understand what that meant. It felt only right to share a meal, to share clothes, to share a bed. That didn’t change even as we got older. It’s everyone else who insists on making it dirty. That wasn’t until later. And even then, what’s so wrong with it? It’s what people who love each other are supposed to do. Why can’t we both keep our manhood?” He didn’t have to go on. Karen understood, knowing how unfair it felt to Frank that just because Billy decided to submit, that he was suddenly not a man and that their relationship would only be proper if Frank were a nobleman and Billy a certain age, taken before Frank took a wife. Love never entered into the picture.

“It won’t always be like this, I genuinely believe that.” Karen said in that reassuring way of hers. She moved to her desk in the corner of the room and produced a piece of parchment and an ink pen. “Go on,” She urged, “you must have plenty to say.”

Frank sat down, taking up the pen. She was right, there was an immense amount he wanted to say but all he could think was that if he gave Billy a long letter, it would be far harder to hide and that would put him in danger. Still, he needed Billy to know he wasn’t planning on giving up and that as long as they were both alive, there was a chance the gods would bring them back together and a chance was enough for Frank. He hoped it was for Billy too. So, after a bit of thought, he began to write.

_Billy,_

_I hope you haven’t been worrying about me as much as I’ve been worrying about you. I assure you that I am fine, though my heart seems to be saddled with a permanent ache without you here. I’m sorry I allowed this to happen, that I wasn’t more concerned. But I will never stop belonging to you, even if we are apart, even if I am standing at the gates of Orcus. Distance nor death will change how I feel. I hope that you feel the same. If you keep trying, then so will I._

_You can trust the woman who gave you this note. If you need to get something to me, she will deliver it._

_I love you and I regret everyday that I never told you that when I had the chance._

_Please forgive me,_

_Frank_

He wrote the words as small as he could and carefully folded the note after the ink dried before handing it to Karen. To his amusement, she slipped it into the folds of her dress. He supposed it was a lot safer there compared to trying to hide it somewhere else.

“You will have him back, Frank.” She came to place a gentle hand on his shoulder, doing her best to soothe him in her own way.

“May the gods see to it that it is so.” He murmured. When he closed his eyes, the only thing he could think about was the face of his lover, so real in his mind’s eye that he almost felt like Billy was in the room. He prayed that image would never fade as long as he lived.

Karen delivered the letter the next day. Frank continued to train and compete in the meantime. It had been a few days before she returned, but when they met after she did, she was smiling. She pulled a piece of paper from inside her slip.  
  
“I managed to steal him away long enough for him to read your note and write something back. He was smiling a lot. I think it did a lot for him to hear from you. I think he fears that you will forget him in all your fame and glory.”

“I’ll have to send more. I don’t want him to torture himself about things that won’t happen.” He quickly unfolded the perfectly creased paper, taking in the fact that Billy’s handwriting was still neat even after all these years, and began to read. Apparently, Karen’s suspicions had been correct.

_Frank,_

_It feels like finding an oasis in a desert to hear from you. I hear plenty about you and your accomplishments, but never anything from you personally. I feared you were much too settled and content with your life to remember me. It’s a relief to see that you have not forgotten me after all._

_My heart is equally heavy. Anything else I am forced to endure compares little to the emptiness your absence has left me with. But I will go on. Knowing that you have not allowed time to lessen your feelings does me good when I think of my own. I still have not taken off the knot and will not until we are bound together in the way we promised each other as children. I hope you know that even though I am what I am now, it does not change the fact that I desire only you._

_And there is nothing to forgive. You didn’t have to say it, for I already knew it to be true,_

_Billy_

Frank found himself smiling softly, brushing a thumb over the words. It made him feel some semblance of peace to touch something Billy had touched. Nonetheless, his whole body ached to feel the other man beneath his hands again.

“I think you should keep doing this too. I wish you could’ve seen the way his face lit up when he realized it was from you. It will keep both of your spirits up.”

Frank was inclined to agree, though part of him still worried someone would find the notes and Billy would get into trouble. But he supposed he had to take that chance.

Over the ensuing months, Frank and Billy sent letters back and forth, using Karen as their courier. It was nothing compared to actually seeing and speaking to each other, but both of them were willing to take whatever they could get.

As Frank dominated in the gladiator ring, Billy was given to a high ranking nobleman that went only by the name Rawlins. Billy didn’t give Frank much detail other than a name, not wanting the other man to know of the way he was treated. He never told Frank of how cruel of a man Rawlins was, of how he would respond to nothing less than ‘sir’ in every situation, that he was more the willing to dole out punishment for any slight disobedience. The older man often referred to him in a blatantly lewd manner no matter who he was with and Billy was made to bow and even kiss the man’s feet whenever he pleased. He had insisted on shaving Billy’s head as punishment for not following a command explicitly. Scars littered his skin, everywhere except his face. Billy longed to sink a blade into the man’s heart, contemplated it night and day, debating if he could accomplish the task while the man slept. But in the end, he always remembered what would happen if he went through with it. He’d surely never see Frank again, as he would no doubt be executed. That alone kept him from seeking his revenge.

They soon marked the third year of their separation. Frank had managed to hold onto his rank as a gladiator, but he was very much aware that most never lasted this long. His days had to be numbered. Billy had been discarded by Rawlins after he’d turned twenty, so instead of a concubine belonging to a sole partner, he was now pushed down to the level of a simple slave meant to serve his ludus in whatever way was demanded of him.

The time and distance was straining, even as they continued to write and keep in contact. Billy wondered if he should simply let Frank go, allow him to find someone else to spend the rest of his life with. He posed that question to Frank himself in one of his letters, but Frank would have none of it. The only way he was willing to let this go was if Billy didn’t want him anymore. In his eyes, he would never love another, even if Billy told him he was allowed to. There just wasn’t a point. He’d found his other half, no other person on the planet would satisfy and make him happy the way Billy had. Frank was perfectly prepared to spend his life alone if it meant he kept the promise they’d made as children. Still, Billy couldn’t help feeling like he was keeping Frank from living the life he deserved.

It was a warm summer evening when Frank was freed from his status as a gladiator. His master explained to him that he was taking up a military campaign and that he wanted Frank to become one of his top officers. In exchange, Frank would be given freedom of a sort. He would no longer compete as a gladiator, instead using his skills on the battlefield for as long as his lord would have use of him. Then, when the campaign concluded, he would be truly be a free man. Frank wrote to Billy as soon as he could, for he knew as soon as they set out, getting letters to him would become even more difficult. Karen was coming with them, as would most of the villa, so she would have a harder time leaving to visit any other noblemen and their wives. Frank was forced to face the fact that he and Billy might be well and truly cut off, possibly for good. It was like saying goodbye all over again.

Billy’s response arrived hours before they were set to leave. Karen had made sure to go one last time so Billy wouldn’t be left wondering what had happened to Frank. His hands shook as he read the letter. It was short and to the point.

_Frank,_

_  
_ _Perhaps this is a sign. You should move on and forget about me. It has become clear that the gods do not want us to be together. If I could take back all the time I have robbed you of, I would._

_May you find good fortune with the gods of the battlefield,_

_Billy_

Karen ducked her head, the anguish on Frank’s face hurting her heart. “He said to tell you that he’s sorry and to say goodbye.”

He felt ill, like his whole world was shrinking in on itself, the light changing, the color being sucked away. He had to take a seat, afraid his legs were going to give out from under him. If he could’ve screamed, he would’ve, but could not for fear of drawing unwanted attention to himself. Karen sat down beside him, taking his hands in hers.

“What do I do?” He asked her, his voice soft and defeated. His eyes were faraway, clouded with unshed emotion. “What do I do without him?”

“You have to keep going. He may have given up but that doesn’t mean you have to. Keep going, keep fighting. One day you will find him again. He is not lost to you if you do not want him to be.”

When the campaign convoy set out, Frank was silent as he rode in his place at the head. He would go on, for he had buried his heart and left it behind, stowed half in the place that had raised them and the other half with Billy himself. Now he was nothing more than a body, a tool to be used to defeat his master’s enemies. In a way, maybe this was better.

Frank excelled as a soldier as much as he had as a gladiator. He fought with proficiency and ease, making quick work of whatever stood in his way. Unlike most senior officers, he took to the fray along with the rest of his men, the rage of battle filling the places inside him that were empty and cold.

The campaign would have it’s up and downs, but Frank would continue to serve his master with honor, steering them out of dangerous situations and taking advantage of unseen weaknesses in their foes.

More years passed and Frank eventually learned how to live with the pain in his heart. It never completely left, but he became used to it, resigned to carrying it with him until the day he died. He still refused to take off the marriage knot. Every time he contemplated removing it, it brought such untold grief that he couldn’t make himself do it. He would have stabbed himself sooner than take it off.

As the campaign reached its peak, Frank was given many honors for his bravery and heroism. One night, as he retired to his quarters amongst the tents of his men, his master saw it fit to send him a woman as a reward. She was clearly a prostitute. His master had tried this before, and Frank’s reaction was always the same. He turned down the woman’s advances and sent her from his sight. But this night was different, as his master seemed to finally understand that his attractions were placed elsewhere. So, when he refused the woman, his master decided to send someone else in her stead. It was only proper that his greatest warrior would be given a companion to use as he pleased.

Frank sat on his bed in his tent, said bed a comfort his master insisted he have despite Frank being perfectly fine with sleeping on the ground as do the rest of the soldiers. But he was the commander, and therefore afforded special privileges. He methodically cleaned his weapons, finding comfort in the routine. He stopped and lifted his head when he heard the front flap move, too much to be a simple breeze, meaning someone had entered. The various ‘rooms’ of the tent were separated by other flaps, so he could not see who it was, though he had a feeling.

“You’re wasting your time, mistress. I suggest you leave me and find another man to spend the night with. I assure you my master will be none the wiser.” He went back to cleaning a golden handled dagger.

The tent parted and someone stepped into the room. Frank sighed and sheathed the dagger before setting it aside and standing up.

“Look, it’s not you, I’m just not interested-”

His breath caught in his throat when his brain finally registered what he was seeing. He was seeing correctly, wasn’t he? Frank blinked several times just to be sure.

He’d changed. He seemed taller, even thinner, and his body was littered with scars, which Frank could see from his distinct lack of dress. His hair that he’d been so proud of in his youth had been shaved and shorn short and the brown eyes that Frank had found so full of life suddenly seemed so very dark. Frank swallowed, hands squeezing at his sides, already tingling with the urge to touch.

“Bill..?” Frank could barely find the voice to speak. His heart felt like it was lodged in his throat, suffocating him.

For a long time, those eyes gave away nothing, as hard as stone. But then, a bit of light entered them, just enough to show he remembered. “I see you’re still alive.” He finally said, though the sound of his voice was nothing as it had been before. It was hollow and utterly empty.

Frank took a step forward, unsure of what to do. He watched Billy, the way he held himself, the way he seemed to look at Frank without warmth. It was unsettling, for Billy had never looked at him like that, even when he was angry.

  
“I knew they’d bring you back to me.” Frank finally murmured, reaching a careful hand out. His fingers closed around Billy’s wrist before sliding up his arm, unable to keep himself from doing it. He came closer, touching Billy’s collar bone before his hand found his cheek. Still, the other man remained still, simply watching Frank do what he pleased.

“Talk to me.” Frank implored, not understanding why Billy refused to acknowledge the touch as he would’ve before.

“What’s there to say? You’re allowed to do what you want, I know the terms. This sure as hell isn’t my first time.”

Frank blinked up at him, confused. “What are you talking about? Bill, you remember me, you must, but don’t you remember us too?”

“Why would there still be an us? There isn’t even a me anymore.” Billy replied, pointedly avoiding Frank’s gaze.

“Stop that, yes there fucking is. Just because you gave up and said goodbye, doesn’t mean I did. I never did and I sure as hell am not about to start now.” Frank tugged him down closer, resting their heads together. Billy’s expression remained the same. It was as if he were in the room physically, but not in any other way.

“Please..” He was begging before he even realized what he was doing. “Please, you’re here. I don’t care if you’ve changed or what you’ve been turned into, you’re still the boy I grew up with, who-who used to smile when we got to eat sweet breads for breakfast and would always do everything he could to hear me laugh even when things were so fucking horrible. You-You gave me this…” Frank quickly took off the cuff on his right wrist, revealing the old leather band he had not removed since the day he’d put it on for the first time. “A-And when we made that promise it was like you had seen inside my soul and asked for the exact thing I wanted. Please, you came back, you’re here. I don’t care how it happened or why. If you act as though none of that happened or that it doesn’t matter, then you may as well kill me, because I’m already dead.” His hands were shaking as he reached to frame Billy’s face, thumbs stroking down those sharp cheekbones. He closed his eyes, waiting for Billy to pull away and declare his worst fears.

For a long moment, they were both still, the sound of the wind blowing through the tents and the sounds of the soldiers in the camp the only thing that could be heard. Then slowly, Bill began to relax beneath the touch, welcoming it as he had before they’d been pulled apart. He touched the marriage knot around Frank’s wrist before carefully lifting his own wrist to show that he still wore his. Frank’s heart gave a painful ache at the sight. He hadn’t given up, not completely.

Billy’s hands came up to grip Frank’s shoulders before hooking around his neck. The first brush of lips was tentative and hesitant. Nonetheless, every nerve in Frank’s body lit up, a raw hunger blooming in his chest. He did not push for more, instead choosing to let Billy come to him.

He did exactly that, one soft kiss turning into two and then three, each more heated than the last. Frank gazed up to find that the same warring emotions he felt were now reflected in those deep brown eyes. But at the moment neither needed to speak of it, for every kiss conveyed the words they wanted to say. Every touch soon grew in fervor, hands beginning to wander, pulling each other closer until there was little space left. Billy’s hands wandered under Frank’s armor, wanting so much for there to be nothing between them. Before Frank realized what was happening, Billy had guided them back to the bed, his intentions clear.

“Do you want this, truly want it?” He stilled, panting softly against Billy’s mouth.

“I have dreamt of having you for too many nights only to wake up in a bed where I was not wanted. I want this, I want you.” Billy grabbed ahold of Frank’s hand and placed it against the thin fabric that covered his lower half. As soft groan left his lips, unable to keep from grinding his hips into the touch. “Please Frank, make me forget every other person who was allowed what you’ve been denied. Take what’s always been yours.”

Once he was sure Billy wasn’t doing this simply because it was what he had most likely been sent here to do, he was more than eager to get Billy out of the little he was wearing. Teamwork got the armor off of Frank and when their bare skin finally touched, it was a special kind of bliss.

Frank longed to lay Billy out like he deserved so they could take their time, but now they needed each other too badly to do that.

Billy insisted they be able to see each other the whole time, refusing to take his eyes off of Frank, who had no objections. They moved together like they’d never been separated, swallowing moans and sighs as they traded kisses. Every touch was like a drug, urging them on to take more and more. They clung to each other so much so that it became hard to tell where one man ended and the other began. Frank’s name fell from Billy’s lips over and over like a prayer. The bed shook beneath them as they chased their own ends. Frank made sure to commit every inch of Billy to memory, ingraining the image of his face as they climaxed together.

In the quiet that followed, neither seemed to know what to say or where to begin. Frank found himself wanting to reach out to Billy only to find that he was keeping his distance, eyes trained elsewhere as his breathing returned to normal. It stung, but Frank reminded himself that he couldn’t very well expect things to remain unchanged between them given what had happened. Still, when Billy sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, turning his back to Frank, bending to retrieve his clothes, Frank felt as though he might be ill.

“You can’t just fucking leave. Please. You don’t have to do that.” Frank sat up, feeling a pang in his chest as he took in the sight of the scars littering Billy’s back that weren’t there before.

“I did what I was sent here to do.” He replied curtly.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t stay. You can, Bill, I want you to.”

Billy didn’t respond, continuing to pull his clothes back on.

Frank looked down at his hands, fingers touching the leather band. “You know,” He began, “if you didn’t take it off out of habit or you just forgot or what the fuck ever, just say so. Say it, Bill, say it to my face. Tell me, even after what we just did, that you don’t love me anymore. Tell me that it’s been too much and too long and that you don’t feel it anymore. Tell me, and it’ll be done, once and for all. You won’t have to see me, let alone touch me, ever again.”

Billy paused, tension gathering in his shoulders. After what seemed like an eternity, he muttered, “I can’t do that.”

“Then stay, at least for the night. The moon is high, it’s getting cold. If you don’t want to stay for me, then stay for the food and the warm bed. I’m sure it’s better than what you’ve been given. It’s what you should have in the first place.”

Billy inhaled a shuddering breath and Frank hoped he was thinking this over. Finally, he gave a small glance back at Frank. “What fancy sorta bullshit do generals eat?”

Frank quietly dressed himself before leaving the room to get the meal that had been delivered to him earlier in the evening. He hadn’t touched it except for a few bites, which seemed to happen every few nights. He simply would feel no desire to eat, for it left him with too much time for his thoughts, so the meal would remain mostly undisturbed. The nights he did eat usually meant he had company in the form of another officer or he knew he couldn’t starve himself, so he forced every bite down. He brought the laden tray into the bedroom, along with the wine that was to be served with it. It contained several meats with accompanying gravy along with fish, a serving of bread, some fruit, a cluster of eggs and a portion of cheese. Most of the food was a luxury bestowed from his master, so Frank imagined Billy had not seen or tasted much of it in years. He had to admit, watching the other man eat when he was so thin was soothing in a small way.

They didn’t speak as Billy ate, though Frank longed for something, anything to be said between them, anything but silence. But where to start? There were years of untold events and neither of them seemed to be in the mood to discuss them. It was awful, to feel that weight pressing down on the both of them. Eventually, Frank had to turn away, not wanting all of his unsaid emotions to be displayed on his face for Billy to see.

“I’m that disgusting to you, huh?”

Frank spun back around, staring at the other man like he was crazy. Billy wasn’t looking at him, instead tearing the bread to pieces with his hands.

“That is the furthest thing from the truth.” Frank insisted vehemently.

“Then why do you keep looking away? I know I’m not what I used to be Frank, you don’t gotta fucking say so, I already know very well.”

“Stop, just fucking stop! Do you hear yourself? Bill, since when is the way you look the most important thing to me? I didn’t..” He had to take a moment to gather himself. “I love you because of who you are and what we’ve shared. Not because of the way you look.” He came closer, moving the tray and carefully taking the bread from Billy’s hands and replacing it with his own. “You don’t get it, do you?” He continued. “I can’t imagine what’s happened to you or what you’ve been through. In the scheme of things, it’s probably correct of me to assume that whatever you’ve been forced to do has been many times greater than anything I have endured. I am sorry for all of it and it pains me that I did not protect you. But none of it, not a single damn thing, changes the way I have felt and still feel about you. When I promised myself to you all those years ago, I intended to keep that promise no matter what and I still do. Even if you do not want me, even if I am killed, even if the world itself comes to an end, I will love no one else. I know deep down inside me that there is no one for me but you. Even if you don’t want me anymore, the knot isn’t coming off and my feelings are not going to change.” Frank squeezed his hands firmly. “I love you. I do not know what else I can say.”

Frank expected to be pushed away again. Instead, Billy’s hands gripped onto his tighter. The other man watched Frank with eyes that spoke a million emotions at once. “I tried, Frank..” He murmured. “I know I said goodbye and I told you to move on, and I tried to let go, to take off the knot, to just forget. And I couldn’t. It felt like trying to rip myself apart.” He clenched his jaw. “I’m not the person you once knew. I have changed so much since we were last together. I do not want to try and take back what we lost because I know it will not be the same.”

“Then it won’t be. All that matters is how we feel toward each other. Everything else will come in time if we are willing to try.”

  
Billy looked like he was thinking about arguing but what anger in him slipped away right before Frank’s eyes. Instead, he allowed the other man to tug him in close, accepting the soft kiss against his lips.

“Come to bed, lay with me tonight, like nothing’s wrong in the world and things have always been as they should be. Let me help you forget, even if it ends up being for only a few hours.” Billy nodded at this. They shed their clothes again and settled themselves beneath the fur blankets, curled around each other as though this was something they did every night. There was no attempt to spark any passion between them as both were content to feel the other against them, to relish in their quiet presence. For once, Billy didn’t look like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He did his best to not think of what the morning would bring, instead allowing himself to be lulled to sleep by the steady sound of Frank’s heart beating. “I love you,” he murmured against Frank’s skin just as he slipped under, so soft the other man almost didn’t hear. But Frank had, his fingers combing through Billy’s hair as he softly returned the sentiment.

* * *

 

Frank woke as the sun began to crest the horizon. For a few minutes, he allowed himself to remain still, to simply enjoy Billy’s weight against his body, the soft sound of his breathing. He turned his head, noting how peaceful the other man looked when he was asleep. He couldn’t help pressing a soft kiss to his head, knowing he was soon going to have to get up and leave this serene setting. When he did, he carefully extracted himself from Billy’s grip, though it was easier said than done. He left his love sleeping quietly, still bundled under the bed’s furs. He hoped Billy wouldn’t wake up before he returned.

He was careful to dress without making a sound before exiting the tent. The camp was just beginning to come alive, a few men wandering to and fro, going about their morning business. Several acknowledged Frank as he passed, considering he was the most senior officer behind his master. He headed for his master’s tent, which made his look pitiful. It was by far the biggest one in the settlement and included everything a lord could need. Frank knew he would be awake this early.

He stepped up to the two guards posted outside the entrance and waited as one disappeared inside to announce his presence. Once that happened, the tent was parted and he was allowed in. He passed by several large areas, including a dining room, a sleeping area and a war room. He was led into what was used as a makeshift throne room complete with a throne, though his master was no true king. There his lord received visitors and messages and that was where Frank found him.

His master was an older man, perhaps about the age of fifty, with short dark hair that was beginning to grey around the temples. His face wasn’t unkind but when he wasn’t smiling, it was hard to tell what he was thinking. Karen sat nearby, smiling softly when she saw Frank. Frank did as was customary and went down on one knee to bow before his master.

“Frank,” When his master stood, he did the same, “what brings you here so early? The sun barely graces the sky. I hope it is not bad news on the front.”

“No sir, it is not. I have come with a request of a personal nature, if you would be so kind as to give me your time to hear it.”

His master pursed his lips, intrigued. He came up to Frank, offering his general a seat next to Karen. “What is it you have to say? I would think it important if you saw it fit to come to me.”

“It is.” Frank agreed, sneaking a glance at Karen. She smiled wider, encouraging him to go on. He looked down at his hands, gathering his thoughts before he spoke. He then took a deep breath and began, “My lord, I assume you were the one who sent the man to my tent last night?”

His master’s smile returned. “Yes I did. I hope you had a chance to enjoy his services.”

Frank offered the smile that was expected of him. “I did and I thank you for that. He is why I have come to you with this request. I enjoyed his company so much so that I would ask that you purchase him, so that his services may always be at my disposal. He once belonged to you before, if your highness would remember.”

His master tilted his head. “Ah yes, I made a good bit of coin from his sale. I don’t know Frank, I’m sure the lord I sold him to will want quite the price for him. I was told that he is one of the lord’s prized male slaves.” 

Frank swallowed, trying not to look as nervous as he was beginning to feel. “I would be greatly in your debt if you were to do this for me, my lord.”

His master paused for a long moment, thinking things over. Beside him, Karen seemed to be as tense as he was. Finally, he shook his head and Frank felt his heart sink to the floor. “I don’t we can afford the expense at this critical time in the campaign, Frank. But do not worry, I will make sure to send him to you again soon.”

He was dismissed after that. He walked back to the tent, ashamed of the fact that he’d once again failed Billy. He was going to have to go back to wherever they were keeping him, back to squalor and mistreatment. It hurt as badly as the first time they’d lost each other.

When he returned, Billy was awake, sitting up in bed. What happened must’ve been written all over his face, for when he saw Frank, Billy sighed and schooled his features into that cold mask he seemed so adept at wearing these days. “You bargained for my freedom and it didn’t work.” He stated matter-of-factly, without a hint of emotion.

Frank closed his eyes, willing the ache in his heart to go away. “I tried,” He murmured, “but I couldn’t do it. It’s like it always is, I’ve let you down and failed you again.”

“You shouldn’t have wasted your breath. I could’ve told you that would happen.” Billy grunted.

“I still had to try. I couldn’t just leave it go.” Frank insisted, sitting down heavily on the bed. He ran a hand through his hair. It was longer than it had been in a while and he was sporting a burgeoning beard. He racked his mind for some way to change things. “We could run.” He murmured softly.

“And what freedom would that give us? We manage to escape and then what? We live in the shadows even more than we are now? If we’re found, they’ll kill us both. And you, everyone knows your face. It would be easy for them. There’s nothing we can do, Frank.”

“You already know that I can’t just forget you. Even if I wanted to, I can’t. You and me..we’re tangled together for eternity whether we want to be or not. I believe that more than anything.”

Billy didn’t say anything, but his mask wavered and he moved to come to Frank’s side. “We’ve survived this long, haven’t we?” He asked, pressing against Frank, placing a hand on his knee. Frank slipped an arm around him. He was still very aware of how thin Billy was. The other man had a point though. They’d been through years of hell apart from each other and they were still in love.

“Promise me something?”

“What would you have me promise?”

“Don’t give up. No matter what happens, try and have hope.” Frank turned his head, pressing kisses to Billy’s cheek.

He didn’t answer right away, but eventually Billy nodded. “Okay, I’ll try. For you.”

They spent the next few hours wrapped up in each other, saying little besides the unspoken words given with touch. But all too soon, Billy’s overseer arrived, gruffly informing Frank he had been tasked with returning Billy to his owner. Frank managed to barter a few minutes of alone time so that they could truly say goodbye.

Frank brought Billy close, trying to commit every inch of him to memory. “I’m never going to stop loving you, don’t you ever forget that.” He murmured, his tone soft so that the man waiting outside would not hear.

Billy nodded, trying to rein in his expression to keep from causing Frank more pain. Inside though, he knew they both felt the same. The idea of being separated when they had just found each other again hurt in a way that words could not fully describe.

“We will be together. Fate herself may try to keep us apart but we will be together again.” Frank wasn’t sure if he believed his own words, but he hoped that maybe if he said it, then it would be true. When they kissed for the last time, it was their way of saying goodbye, because they both knew they wouldn’t be able to utter the word to each other out loud.

Frank was quiet as he watched Billy walk away, knowing he couldn’t look like he cared more than was proper. But as he did, something in him snapped.

He _would not_ lose Billy again. He didn’t care if he would be able to see him on occasion, he wanted him by his side all the time, to never have to be parted from him. He was tired of playing by everyone else’s rules and ignoring what was in his heart. So he hurried back inside, a plan already forming in his head. He dressed in his armor and packed the few things he owned. Packed and armed, he departed to find Billy and flee with him. If they had to fight their way out of the camp, then so be it. Frank refused to go on, acting as though everything was okay. He was going to leave with Billy and he dared the gods to try and stop him.

Billy put up little resistance as he was led through the camp back to the cart that would return him to his lord. He couldn’t allow himself to look back when he left Frank, trying to spare them both the pain. Beneath the rope that bound his hands, he could still see the marriage knot. It was the only thing that brought him any semblance of peace. He still belonged to Frank, even after all these years.

He was surprised when they were suddenly stopped by a familiar blonde woman.

_Karen._

The man tasked with his return was none too pleased, reprimanding her for holding them up. Karen was not taken aback in the least and stood her ground. She came up to Billy and they exchanged a wordless glance before she turned to the other man.

  
“How much for him?”

“Woman, who the hell-”

“I am the daughter of the lord who is waging this campaign, so I suggest you show me some goddamn respect. Now, I asked, how much does your master want for him?”

“Far more than your father wishes to pay, I’m sure.”

She rose up to her full height, venom in her eyes as she glared at him. “How much?”

The man huffed, crossing his arms before spitting in full view of this woman of status, completely uncaring. “How much are you willing to offer?”

Karen carried a bag with her, from which she produced a large pouch. She offered it over to the man. “Inspect it for yourself and tell me if that is enough to suit you and your master.”

The man gruffly took the sack, untying it’s strings and peering inside, hefting it in his hands. After several minutes of this, he raised his head to look back at her. “A slave is worth that much to you?”

“That is my business. Is it enough or not?” Karen’s face was utterly stony, as though she’d spent her life dealing with matters such as this.

The man pursed his lips, as if mentally adding the numbers in his head, before finally nodding, satisfied. He came over to Billy and unbound his hands. “Today must be the luckiest day of your whole goddamn life.” He muttered. Then he was gone, money in hand.

  
Billy turned to Karen. “You own me now?”

Karen came up to him, taking his hands. “It’s nice to see you too. And yes, I do. Which gives me the power to hereby grant you your freedom.” She smiled at him. “So now I don’t own you and you may go where you please. But I have a feeling I know where you’re going to go.”

Billy bit his lip before enveloping her in a hug, though he knew it was against custom. She didn’t seem to care, returning the gesture and gently patting his back. She leaned up to whisper in his ear, “Go find him. It’s where you belong.”

He left her to do just that, heading back in the direction he’d came. What he didn’t know was that Frank had already set out to come for him, so he would find his tent empty. And when Frank came upon the place where the slave cart was waiting only to find Billy gone, it would seem like they’d both missed each other again. But, neither would be so quick to give up. Billy doubled back, finding Frank watching the slave cart disappear into the dust. Billy quietly approached, noting Frank’s armor and weapons and the bag he was carrying.

“Looking for someone?” He asked, startling Frank and causing him to turn.

The look on Frank’s face caused Billy to laugh softly. “Yeah, I know. Turns out you haven’t lost me yet after all.”

Frank was at a loss for words. Quickly, he tugged Billy away to a more secluded area. As soon as he was reasonably sure they wouldn’t be disturbed, he hooked a hand in Billy short hair and kissed him hard. It was only after that did he ask, “How are you still here?”

“It was all Karen. She bought me back and set me free. I serve no master now.” The smile on Billy’s face was the biggest that Frank had seen since they were children.

“That’s amazing, but I can’t leave here. I have a few more years before I’ve served out my conscription. What are we going to do?”

“I’ll join up, we can fight together like we were always meant to. Then when your time is done, we’ll pay for me to be done too.” He stole another kiss, stroking down Frank’s cheek. “You were going to fight our way out, weren’t you? You were going to break me out and we were going to run.”

Frank guiltily averted his eyes. “I couldn’t deal with being apart from you any longer, Bill. Please understand.”

Billy nodded solemnly. “I do, because despite the fact I didn’t think it was a good option, I still would’ve went with you.”

“Let’s not worry about that now, it didn’t come to that. What matters is that you’re here now and you’re not going anywhere.”

“No I’m not, I’m staying right here with you.” When they kissed again, it felt like utter relief.

* * *

 

Billy was allowed to enlist and given a place in the camp. During the day, both he and Frank went about their duties, but at night Billy would make his way through the camp and slip into Frank’s tent. He became quite adept at this, moving about without being noticed. Every night together was cherished, no matter what they were doing. Their meetings weren’t always of the physical nature either, sometimes they simply talked, filling in all that they both had missed. But after not seeing each other for so long, it was hard for them to keep their hands off each other. So much so, there was even a night where they left the camp to be together. Frank made a strict note of where he’d sent the scouts, getting a lay of the land before pulling them back. He then relayed the information to Billy, so they could meet up in a secluded area outside the scouting lines. They spent the night by a small lake under the cover of trees, not too far from the camp. It was risky, not knowing what could appear and disturb them, be it human or otherwise, but it was hard for Frank to care too much, especially with the way Billy urged on his every move, so much so it was as though they had become the same person. They would end up taking other trips like this, always making sure to take every precaution that no one would find out.

Together, they fought side by side in combat as they had been trained to do since they were children. Billy proved time and again that he was a capable fighter despite his time spent without practice. He made Frank proud every battle they engaged in and earned the respect of his fellow soldiers. He was finally becoming a man that could be looked upon with honor, despite all the attempts to relegate him to nothing more than a common slave. By the time Frank’s conscription was up, both men had become seasoned fighters who were looked highly upon by their peers. In the end though, all of that mattered little.

For as soon as Frank was a free man and had used the money he had saved to allow Billy to leave his post, they both knew they had had enough of blood and war and politics. They wanted to make up for all the time they had lost thanks to their unwanted separation.

And thus, that was how they found themselves a home in the rolling Roman countryside, with a small herd of sheep and goats and a flock of chickens to occupy their time. It was a modest living, nothing like what either of them were used to, but it was quiet and peaceful and far removed from the hectic and crowded streets of the Roman capital or any battlefield.

There was just one thing that was missing.

* * *

 

The June morning was chilly as the sun came up, but neither Frank nor Billy paid it much thought, as they had much more important things on their minds.

  
As the sun slowly rose, illuminating the countryside with it’s warm rays, the two men faced each other on the small rise next to their new shared home. Karen stood between them, her hair pinned back and braided, a smile on her face. They’d been waiting a long time for this, longer than most people would’ve put up with, and she felt honored that they wanted her to be a part of this special moment. She knew that the marriage would not be recognized in any official way, but she was their witness before the gods, making good on their promise to each other and in the end, it was the gods who really mattered, not any institute of man.

First, Frank carefully removed the leather band around Billy’s wrist before the other man did the same for him, slowly untying the knot that they both had carried for so many years. Next came the reading of the rites and the binding of the hands. Karen spoke every word clearly and without hesitation, blessing the both of them and their union together so that they may never find it in their hearts to leave each other. Then, though it wasn’t part of the tradition, she decided they should both be allowed to voice the feelings they held in their hearts.

Frank smiled, a genuine smile that rivaled the shining sun before them. “My love,” He squeezed Billy’s hand, lifting it to press a kiss to the freckled skin, “I promised when we were just children that we would belong to each other for eternity and I intend to keep that promise. No matter what comes, be it illness or famine, war or hell on earth, I will stand by your side for as long as I am able and when I am gone from this plane, I will wait for you on the other side for however long it takes. I intend to spend the rest of this life with you as well as the next. With the gods as my witness, I take these words as an oath, one that may be held to me for as long as my soul does shine. You are mine and I am yours, forever and always.”

The corner of Billy’s mouth turned up. He wasn’t as good with words, but he did his best to express how he felt. “I have seen the ugliest parts of humanity and wished for death to strike me down in my sleep. I am grateful that those pleas were not fulfilled, for the gods had other plans. As much pain as I endured, I would do it all again if it were to lead me here and lead me back to you. No amount of torture could change how I feel about you, how I love you. I once feared that it would, that I no longer possessed the ability to feel the warmth of your light in my heart but I was wrong and the gods allowed me to feel what I thought was lost forever. I belong here, at your side and will remain here as long as you will have me. I knew as a young child that I would always belong with you and I thank the gods everyday that I was allowed back into your embrace. You are mine and I am yours, forever and always.”

Karen smiled brightly. “And so, with the gods as witness, I bless this marriage so that it may last through this life and into the next. You may seal your vows with a kiss.”

And thus, in the new light of dawn, two men became one, finally fulfilling the promise they had made to each other when they were just young boys.

From that day forward, Frank and Billy never left each other’s side ever again, even as they grew old. And when the echoes of death finally called for them, not even the gods could keep them apart, for two souls were now one, and they would find each other again, on those rolling Elysian fields, prepared to spend an eternity in each other’s company. For there are some things in this world that are just meant to be.

_END_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm saintaleksander on Tumblr.


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